Hardscrabble Roads

 the In Between.....

I was able to shoot this just before Lola got her hands on it:)

As these past couple of weeks come to a close, I am taking a moment to soak it all in one last time and reflect.

This in-between place has had its moments. The thing about being in between is you’re stuck in the middle, smack in the “not yet” and “what once was.” Looking forward and behind you see both….sandwiched right in the nook.

I'm working on that life lesson of things being a process, of life being a process, and that all the little steps and bumps and hicups along the way ARE REAL LIFE…and if I spend my whole life looking back and forward, forward and back, I’m gonna miss what’s smack in the nook. I’m gonna miss REAL LIFE. Needless to say, this too has been a process for me; so this in between of being in Ohio as Justin has been in Miami has had its ups and downs. Ive loved spending time with all my friends and family one last time before the move, and yet I was ready to move beyond and into what Justin was already in.

Two weeks out where I grew up…across from a field, and 24 minutes away from the closest Starbucks, people. Five acres, a pond, two apple trees, a garden, a homemade swing set, a sandbox made from real wood by Jerry─not that plastic kind─and a partridge and a pear tree…well, no partridge; I don't even know what that is…..but there is a pear tree. You get the idea……peaceful, country heaven.

  

Don't get me wrong, I love my roots…..but the first few days were kind of tough to adjust to the pace, or lack thereof. You think twice about that errand you have to run, you ask yourself… “do I really need it?” I knew I wanted this time to be a quiet time for Lola and me. Not full of a zillion last minute things….but more of a calm before the storm, a more centering, happy time. But it took me a good while to settle into that pace…to stretch out into it a bit….it can be unnerving when you have been going 100 miles an hour for months.

Then, my trip out to Miami, the 24-hour madness hunt for a home to rent. It’s renting, you know…no big deal. Find an ad on craigslist, find an apartment guide, and call it a day, folks. Yeah, not. so. much. I’ll spare the complicated details and just say that I left Miami at the end of 24 hours, and we were more confused than ever with no potential home in sight. Great.

I've struggled to try and understand how to really "wait on God" in the midst of something that seems so impending, something that seems to need an action taken. This season of finding a home…..well, it wasn't quite what we had envisioned. (Is it ever what we envision??) “You'll find something in just the right time," "you'll just have a peace and KNOW when you see it"…all comforting words…maybe a few months ago. NOT so much when you are up against a wall and keep hitting every roadblock imaginable. What then….when all your options bring you ZERO peace, and you want to throw up your hands and be like “UMMM, God, eh, so…I know you’re there, but what the HECK are you doing, and why are we chasing our tails?”

I left Miami confused….I had a deep abiding peace that didn't really come from me…..but my flesh, my "logical" part of me wanted to be stressed and kept thinking…"what else can we do but wait?" and then his word kind of rang in my mind……Isaiah 64:4: “No eye has seen any God besides you who ACTS on behalf of those who WAIT for him.” It wasn't all I could do...it was THE thing we HAD to do.

“But I mean…practically, what does this look like, Lord? We are in a place where we HAVE to make decisions, and you’re telling us to wait? How do I just look to you and say, ‘Oh, God will sort it out?’” This is maybe easy to say in the seasons of life when it’s easy…but when you’re really backed against a wall and called to stand and wait and trust….man, that requires a bit more.

 A bit more letting go of you and giving over to God, a bit more faith. I sense there are some deeper roots being grown in Justin and me during these few tough weeks. It’s in our flesh to say “DO, DO, DO; go get; you’re in control of your life,”…but in reality, there is limited life to live in that approach. Jesus said that he came so that we may live life to the fullest….I want HIS fullest, NOT mine….and I think in all these tiny tough moments of life…where things eventually get sorted out, but in the thick of it you’re against a wall…well, those are the moments where, if we can quiet the heck down, stop in the chaos long enough to hear…there are his whispers. He tends to whisper most in my life…not often has God ever really shouted. I usually have to get out of my own way in order to hear him.

So we shift our focus from what the practical would seem and focus on HIM. Each time we want to pick it up…we go to our Father and lay it down…and shift our focus in the midst of the chaos. In the midst of my sometimes bad attitude (just being real). In the midst of my fear.

On the eve marking the end of this in between, I am pondering what life is about to look like for us. I have a LOT of unknowns, and when exactly we will have a place to call our own is one of them, BUT…there are a few key things I DO know. I know Justin is waiting, and our little family unit is about to be put back together. I know we have this generous, amazing church family waiting to welcome us into their lives and help us along the way, and I know that all of this uncomfortable unknown is SMACK DAB where God wants us. So where I am kind of walking out of that nook of in between and moving forward…..I’m also walking into another middle of sorts. It’s a new place where I can look behind and see where we have come, and there is this HUGE space that is open and unwritten; and so in a way…I’m right back in a new middle. And I think I'm going to be just fine right there for a bit.

***** So after typing all of this up this morning, I got a call from Justin and we got into a place, what a crazy bunch of hoops we had to jump through, but we have a place! Ill see ya next in Florida! More to come soon:)*****